


Words like violence

by Seasaltcornflower



Series: Enjoy the silence [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29108400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seasaltcornflower/pseuds/Seasaltcornflower
Summary: S11!AU Where Sam summoned Michael instead.Captured by the Darkness, Adam and Michael try to make it through the second apocalypse. Also Adam knew this wasn’t the best moment to have a love epiphany but since when had life been simple with him?
Relationships: Michael/Adam Milligan
Series: Enjoy the silence [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2136252
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	Words like violence

It had been five months months since Adam got out of the cage and five months that Amara had ripped Michael so violently out of him that Adam was sure he died. Then light came back and everyone went on with their lives. So Adam did the same. He didn’t get out of the cage to wither away like that, it would have been an insult to all these years he clung to hope and made promises to Michael.

It had started good, though. Both of them tried to avoid the Winchesters, this was their fight after all and Michael wasn’t a hundred percent up to it. Also Adam had already paid enough. Both of them couldn’t take the risk of losing one another, not after everything.

Michael flew all around the globe, trying to make the best out of the end of well… everything. They both wanted to take their time, to experience their newfound freedom as much as possible. With no God in sight to save their asses from his sister, all they could do was to… fuck off somewhere in peace.

Michael was less tense. His grace less cutting and high on alert like in the cage, always expecting a blow. Adam was glad because all this stress had been a constant source of pain and weariness for both them. Still, it didn’t mean everything had gotten a hundred percent better.

Being in a room or anything with walls it reminded them too much of the cage. Who knows if these walls would eat and lock them away again. Even if it’s absurd, both Michael and Adam still had this lingering fear of being trapped once again. So with Michael they slept under the stars, in a field, on a mountain or even in some desert. Powered up by archangel heat and magic, Adam didn’t feel the cold even once. (Not like he was repulsed by cold, growing up in Minnesotan winter and all). With Michael’s grace all around him and his wings protecting them from everything, Adam never felt safer than in this moment. Even if Michael wasn’t at his prime anymore, not for a moment anyway, he was still more powerful than everyone in this universe.

Everyone except the two primordial beings that preceded him. God and The Darkness.

And the Darkness came after them.

One blink and the landscape changed from the Himalaya to an old barn. Michael’s reaction was immediate, completely shutting down all around Adam, even locking him back in a fake room full of good memories.

It came from a good place but Adam had enough of this, of Michael always trying to protect him. Adam wanted to be there for him. He was tired of illusions and all the fake humans. He wanted _Michael_. For the better or the worse. They had been through a lot together, he wouldn’t give it up now. Not when they finally got out of the cage. They were together in this. Adam was not sure he was cut for torture but if he got out of this alive, he would sleep better at night. Maybe some residual nightmares would plague him but not the guilt of leaving Michael on his own.

“Michael, please. I won’t let you do it alone. Not anymore. I’m here with you.” He said to the empty park of his childhood. No answers. Fine, but Adam could be a pain in the ass when he wanted to. Trying to conceal his plans from Michael, Adam summoned his bedroom in the landscape and put on his best Emo Punk Rock songs from his teenage years at the loudest.

It worked because moments later, Michael appeared wearing his face and very, very angry at him. The music stopped and Adam prepared himself for a little fight with him. Michael made one, two steps then collapsed under Adam’s eyes who ran to his side immediately.

“Michael!”

Now that he had a better view of Michael, Adam could see that the smooth surface of his skin was full of breaches and grace illuminating through the cracks. He was clearly ripped apart, Adam couldn’t let him go on like this.

Michael reached for his hand, bringing it to his chest. “Adam. Stop.” He tried to command him but Adam shook his head.

“No, no, winghead. We’re in this together.” He took Michael’s head in his lap. His eyes were shining with grace. Adam caressed his cheeks trying to soothe him even if he knew to be useless. “I’m with you.”

Michael’s breathing steadied into a long sigh. He looked up at Adam with big eyes. “Y-you’ll b-be hu… rt.” He whispered through his lips and his remaining free hand caressing Adam’s mouth with his thumb. There was something so fragile and so beautiful through his lips, a touch light as feather that Adam almost moved to kiss his hands and go further until he reached to his lips. A kiss to take away the pain. After centuries being literally one, any notions of personal space did not apply to them anymore. He knew in the eyes of others, this situation could be very strange but Adam was not bothered by this fact. Far from it.

Nonetheless, Adam noticed that it wasn’t the first time he noticed Michael’s beauty or that body moved on his own, animated by a hunger for affection or even to show his own fondness of Michael. Albeit, in less than ideal situations. Adam asked himself if they would ever get a proper and very calm moment to discuss about this. They had it for a few days. If they survive this, Adam held on the hope there would be more of those. They did got out of the cage, after all.

“I want to be with you.” He choose to comb his hair instead. “I can’t… you can not lock me away like this. I want to be your equal, Michael. I gave you this body right? At least, let me be here, at your side, if not in control then I can simply talk to you. Please. Michael, you are not alone. I’m with you. Let me be.” The words he had used seemed to make Michael react. He stared at him for a long time.

Adam bit his lips, it always made his stomach flutter when Michael looked at him like he was something incredible. Michael loved too much, or at least he was too devoted. Adam was not worthy of this. He was just a human. A human that may have seen more than most of people bu still a very fallible one. They’d been through a lot together, he wanted to help his friend.

“Sure?” Michael asked, very reluctant.

He squeezed Michael’s hand. “If things get heated you can still send me back here. It’s not final. We have many choices.” Michael blinked and looked at him like he told him he could fly instead of walking. Adam tried to give him a reassuring smile. “If it gets too much, I’ll tell you, okay?”

“…Very well.”

Slowly the fake world faded and reality presented itself in front of his eyes. Michael was still in command, his attention full and his grace charging up to shield them from any attacks. There was a woman in a dark robe in front of them. That was the Darkness? Adam imagined… he didn’t know. Some kind of alien? She looked very human and strangely very calm.

“Michael.” She said. Adam raised his eyebrows, outwardly she seemed no different from any woman on Earth. “I remember you. The first. The most powerful yet so… plain, in many senses of the word.” She said, corner of the lip raising in slight disgust.

Michael tried to remain silent, though Adam could feel the shame through their bond. If Michael couldn’t get angry at being insulted, Adam could still do it for him.

“If I only I got Lucifer… But I have to settle for you.” She muttered. “After all, you were his very first creation, I hope you still mean something from him even if you were never the favorite.”

“N-no.” Michael shook his head, not willing to hear her. “I-I’m… my Father-” The words unsaid echoed in their shared mind: _Good son. I’m good. Father-_ The same words that made him hope in the cage. The sentiment that trapped him yet gave him the strength to survive until now: faith.

She rolled her eyes. If Amara had noticed that Michael had… changed, it didn’t stop her. “What? Be honest with yourself. He left you to rot in the pit like he did with me. Why are you still rooting for him?”

Adam felt no echoes of his feelings. Michael was unsettled and when he was like that, all of his thoughts stopped and his feelings buried very deeply, almost existing in another place. At first, Adam thought that it could be stressful for him to think too much but with time he discovered that Michael wouldn’t dare to doubt, that it hurt too much to even think about it. He stared at her. “Y-you. Destroy.”

“And you didn’t do anything for him. Yet…” The Darkness was looking at him with contempt in her eyes. Adam was listening attentively, he did not want to be like Satan but so far she made good points.

 _Nobody came._ The words left hanging in the air. Adam could almost feel the big wall of denial in his thoughts but like in the cage, Adam slipped through the cracks and whispered to Michael his own truth. _Everybody had forgotten about us_.

“At one point, I felt pity for you.” She continued. “You and I weren’t so much different, Michael.” Adam was now really intrigued. Michael had tried to show him the creation of the first stars or when the first tree grew but he completely forgot that Michael predated all of that. More than that, Michael never really showed his place in all of this. Around him, tendrils of his grace sharpened in wariness. “I saw everything you know? Back then. When they weren’t any…” She made big waves with her arms, encompassing the environment around them: “… of this. He was the Luminous one with the gift of imagination like my brother and you were in the shadow of his light just like me. You were created to destroy, right? _Just like me_. We were the eldest and we were ignored. Cast aside.” For a brief moment, Adam could empathize with the woman before him but Michael’s grace lightened up in outrage.

“Wrong.” Michael simply replied. Revulsion at the thought of being like his aunt bled through their bond. Michael, even after centuries of torture, still had his righteous indignation. If it didn’t made him such a pompous ass sometimes, Adam could almost found him endearing. However, Adam felt his heart did not have the strength to believe a hundred percent in his own thoughts. The anger burned too quickly, it wasn’t a bush fire but a tiny sparks among despair and loss. He could feel the pain of Michael. The resentment. The ache in his chest indicated she told them a certain truth. Adam felt torn as Michael on this.

The Darkness was angered at his stubbornness, the air was filled with a tension. With a movement, all of Michael’s grace was crushed in her grip. Adam could hear his voice screaming in pain but it wasn’t his, it was Michael’s. Adam didn’t feel anything, Michael taking all of the torture on his own. “Look at yourself! Look in what state you are! And I did not even used my full strength! You bear the same scars as me because he doesn’t care!” Her voice rose full of pain, of rage and most of all betrayal.

Despite that she was actively ripping his one true friend apart, Adam realized with disgust that he understood all of these feelings. This could have been him. In fact, these feelings… He understood them. The realization that nobody cared and moved on. The rage that fed him in hell because it wasn’t all about hope too. No, there were days where Adam’s soul was dark with rage and jealousy at his brothers. Yet, Michael kept him grounded with his righteousness, his silliness and tales about the primordial universe. His smile soothed his pain. Michael’s grace protected him from physical injuries but his angelic soul saved Adam’s spirit.

He sought Michael when her grip loosened.

_I… I kind of understand you know…_

_Adam…_

_I feel… The anger against my own brothers…_

_Not the same._

But it was. Okay, maybe his brothers didn’t purposefully locked him away but the result was the same was it? He was put in a box and conveniently forgotten.

_Adam. You are… to me…_

Amara interrupted them. “You see Michael… _Mika-EL_ …” She said his name in Enochian. “Who is like God? You think he made you big to protect him and your siblings from me? He gave you that name to remind you of your place! That you were never supposed to be big! That you were never supposed to me more! The worst is that you never realized that!! You thought yourself as the Good Son, how eager you were… But you are just a thing to make him grand! Do you think he will come?! Now?!”

Michael’s voice was hoarse when he spoke again. “No… I’m his son.” _He willed me. How could he…_ Adam heard his thoughts, his heart silently breaking.

“You are really dense.” She shook her head. “Hey, human.” She addressed Adam. He gulped and Michael tightened the threads of his grace around him but it was no use she summoned his soul on. “D-Don’t t-touch. A-Adam.” He heard Michael talking through his mouth before he was forcibly pushed back. The threads of his grace scraping and slipping away from Adam’s soul. _Adam! No… Let me! No, please…._

“Don’t touch him!” Michael yelled as the last binds of control over Adam’s body was severed. “Take me! Amara!!”

She smirked. “I’ll never thought you would care this much, nephew.” Oh, yes, great. Michael was a nephew. He never thought, after centuries in the cage, that he would refer Michael as a nephew. Also Michael’s family was really something. Adam thought it would be better if he skipped Christmas and was pretty sure Michael wouldn’t blame him. The voice of Amara sounded clearer in his ears as Adam was pulled back on the surface. “This deep feeling, I understand it too. It’s cloaked in fear Michael. Now, back off and let me talk to this little spy.” Her words were tainted with curiosity and mischief, Adam began to regret coming here. With one twist of her hand, Adam was once again in full control of his body, barely feeling Michael’s presence. The split left him with a void, like in Limbo and his whole body shook in cold and terror.

“Hi…” Adam only said.

She tilted her head studying him. “You are the brother of Dean Winchester.” She said softly. Adam noticed a certain fondness and grimaced.

He did not want to be associated with them, after all it was all because they shared a father that he got into this mess. They weren’t family though. But he had no choice, hadn’t he?

“I’m… Adam.”

“You gave your all to this angel. A vessel.” Adam dared to hope their relationship had evolved from that. Around him Michael, reached back, squeezing his soul with his grace, reassuring and validating him. They were more than vessel and angel, or even simple friends… It felt good that Michael was fighting with his all to be back with him. After all, Amara only buried him deep into Adam and whatever he had with Michael couldn’t break like that. Physically it was like getting an invisible warm hug but from the inside.

She continued. “I’ll tell you something. Maybe you’ll be less stubborn than Michael. I want you to know what kind of creature you gave your all to before I kill you.” _Adam…_ Michael whispered in his head. _Adam, d-on’t. Please. I,-_ Adam shushed him internally. She couldn’t kill him like that, right? Adam hoped that for once, his connection with the Winchesters would actually _save_ him. Also, Adam would try to talk his way out like he did when his mom prevented him from going to senior parties at college. It did work then.

“My brother had always looked at him with indifference. After all he was just an outline with the first ideas. Wings and that was it. Michael was easy to predict and to use but boring. He was just a shield, an alarm for my brother if I tried something. I thought if I got Lucifer, I might have his attention then destroy everything he held dear in front of him as a punishment.” At this point, Adam’s smile was just a nervous tic. _No need to be so desperate._ He sent to Michael and to himself too.

Adrenaline made Adam do the wildest things which currently was cracking a slight joke with a primordial entity. “You’ve seen the guy? He’s a real headache.”

She huffed. “Haven’t you all thought that was what my brother wanted? The second essay. Lesson learned. Design corrected. Instead of a simple cluster of wings like this one, Lucifer got a variety of shapes and heads that now formed all things of this universe. More boisterous, sure, more beautiful and of course less powerful. He wouldn’t risk it to make him powerful as Michael. A real entertainment.” She mused. “I agree that child was way too spoiled, he’s got my brother’s temperament.”

Michael hissed in anger inside when she made the parallel between his father and now, most hated brother. Adam tried to breath out, stuck between two beings that could nuke half of the planet if they want. Being powerless did make you less dramatic, he mused. “I have to disagree. I think Michael is pretty good looking. I mean compared to Lucifer. He is pretty… uhh… he doesn’t have a nightmare face?” It might sound insane to discuss about angelic beauty standards with a primordial entity trying to destroy everything but Adam would use any cards in his sleeves if it could buy them time for any kind of miracle. Also from what he’d seen in hell, he would take Michael over anything. Adam felt a slight nudge against his soul. It was Michael.

 _What? It’s the truth._ Adam shrugged mentally. They were going to die anyway, let Michael know he was cute.

 _No._ You’re _beautiful._ Michal said firmly.

Adam did not want to sound flustered so he settled for a simple: _Thank you._

She slowly walked towards him, her face a few inches from his, looking beyond him. She whispered. “What a strange thing you are. I can see from here that Michael is trying to gain control back. He cares. You and him. Me and Dean… Funny really.”

Adam frowned at the comparison but knew better to shut up. He definitely did not want to know about what was going on with Dean. “If you say so.” He said instead.

She looked through his soul for a long time before smiling. That was bad news. Amara made a circling gesture with both of the arms. “See? My brother is still missing. I guess, he did not care about you at all, Michael.”

 _What if… what if she was right?_ _About your father…_ Adam wondered. Michael huffed like his thoughts were ridiculous and absurd. His grace swirled like a storm around his soul. _I mean. Nobody came. You’ve done nothing wrong._

_B_ _ecause I was… I was… Not good._

_What have you done wrong?_

_I…_ _Failed._ _The Apocalypse_ _._

_You still care about that? After he left you in the cage?_

Michael didn’t go further. His grace recoiling on itself and brewing a storm. Adam let him be and turned his attention back to Amara. “I… I can understand how you feel. I… My brothers also forgot about me.” Adam said, that was ballsy but at this point what choice did he have left? “All these years wondering if you deserved it. If it was somehow you fault and all the anger and hopelessness. I understand.”

Amara was silent, lost in her thoughts then finally looked at him with curiosity. Adam did not see any ill intents in her eyes. “I know you speak to each other. You care about him.” He hoped to God that she didn’t actually listen to them because that was private.

His voice grew darker. “Nobody came. We only got each other.”

“No… Haven’t you realized it?” Adam was on full alert, trying to recoil from her touch on his cheeks. Michael was ready to burn the world when her skin touched his. “You feel deeper than simple gratefulness.” She declared quietly. Wait, what? What did she mean by that?

Before she could go any further, something distracted her and in one blink she disappeared.

 _What the hell? What happened?_ Adam sent his thoughts to Michael but got no answers. Left alone, Adam pondered on what she just told him. Of course, he was protective of Michael, he was his friend and only companion in the cage. Even in a life outside of it, after everything Adam was not sure he could get along with his old friends. He must be dead to them anyway. Michael had given his all to protect him in the cage at the cost of his mind. All Adam could do was to repay the debt, to make sure Michael got better then-…

_Adam?_

Michael would go back to Heaven. Adam would be left alone. But he would be free right?

Right?

Sam and another old man came, pulling him out of his thoughts. With Adam still in control of the body they rushed to the Impala. Adam took the place next to Sam as they drove to somewhere far when Amara appeared out of nowhere and stopped the car with a raising hand. _Oh shit!_ He thought. _We’re fucked._ Michael’s presence in him grew larger and before she did acted they found themselves in a hangar. What the fuck.

 _What the fuck?!_ He yelled in his mind. The old man behind him screamed at the top of his lungs what they were all thinking.

 _This…_ Michael’s confusion equaled everyone’s in the car. _Father!!_

Michael took over immediately and did not even bother to open the door and flew to another room. Hell and Amara’s work on him finally took its hold on their body and Michael leaned against the wall. A man appeared in front of them.

“Son.” He said.

“Father.” Michael whispered back, so different from the usual aloofness in his voice. With a snap of the man, of _God_ , Michael’s rough grace was smooth anew. Any stinging wounds healed. Adam could feel in his cells that Michael’s grace and all of his being shined like before. As if nothing happened.

Before Adam could think further and ruin their mood, Michael’s grace wrapped itself around Adam with eagerness, it was like being hugged by his mom after a flu. It was stronger, warmer and thicker. _Be_ _q_ _uiet. Safer_. Michael had whispered in their mind space. Now that his strength was back, Michael felt more confident, they felt like they could eat the whole world. Hope renewed, both of them wanted to live. And for that, they needed to save the world.

Michael was very happy of the situation. He’d never saw him that happy, even on his best days in the cage, in ever really. Of course, he was happy, Michael just got his father back and he was saved by him, he had every right to be.

God was not what Adam thought to be. Collective imagination wanted a big powerful, big beard old man not a forty-ish slender and awkward random guy. It made perfect sense though if he wanted to hide.

The most difficult thing was to talk to god. _He owes you some answers._ Adam said to a very apprehensive Michael.

God or Chuck had simply said that he had not planned that the Apocalypse would have gone like that. What did that mean? All Michael had done, all the things Adam had endured was for what? Nothing? A test? Why leaving them to rot? Leaving Adam when he was innocent? In fact, did everyone forget about them? Adam could feel that as hours went by, Michael’s tension was up in the atmosphere. Seeing God again after all these years, all his hopes and dreams and _being_ period, had been condensed into a five minutes greeting.

“Father… I-I … Why?”

“I did what I had to do. If you and Lucifer were to fight again it would destroy the world.” Chuck said simply. Bullshit, Adam wanted to say. All Chuck had to do was to tell Michael that the Apocalypse wasn’t necessary the endgame or something like fight on Mars and not hurt humans he would totally do it. Also the world was about to be destroyed because a long time ago, he sealed away his sister right? Adam had a feeling that everything God did not want to deal with was just sealed in a can and be put aside. His chances of going to Heaven after his second death dimmed thoughts after thoughts. He silently cursed himself.

Adam used all of his resilience to keep himself calm and not take over just to punch him or anything really. That would have been a bad idea. He tried to be still, not let his presence to be felt. Adam was a good at pretending to be insignificant, he’d done that for centuries in the cage and picking up Michael after Lucifer trumped on his spirit. Now out, it wasn’t any different. Except that was God. He was pretty sure he was aware of Adam’s presence despite the thick cloak of Michael’s grace around his soul. Adam tried to be inert as possible, letting people believed that he had been ‘put aside’ while Michael was in control.

In fact, since they returned Michael had not once loosened his grip around Adam’s soul. He cloaked him with the same intensity he did in the Cage and it only deepened while he was talking with his father. Why? Weren’t they supposed to be safe? Michael was more cautious than before, more protective. He had no reason to since he praised his father all this time and finally got him. Unless Amara’s words and Adam’s own shifted Michael’s view even if it was a little bit. That was an arrogant thought because Adam was just a random human and Michael was this billions years old angel who saw the creation of the universe.

Yet Adam cared for him, crazy as it sounded, he cared very much and wanted what was best for him. Sometimes, it meant hurting him, not in a malignant way like Lucifer but telling him what he denied to himself for so long. Adam’s heart was torn, he did not want to hurt Michael. He just wanted to watch over him on Earth like Michael did for him in Hell. Why everything was so complicated? He couldn’t really blame Michael, who liked clear goals, to lose it a little bit with all the shit the universe kept throwing at them.

Then a presence loomed behind Chuck and all hell broke loose. Literally. Michael fell completely silent and stunted. The only thing keeping him still was his embrace around Adam’s soul.

“I am bringing Lucifer back, you are in no shape to fight.” Chuck concluded.

Adam exploded in anger. Fortunately, Michael’s grace was big enough to conceal his outrage. He did not understand. _What?!_ After getting a chance of being finally free, after centuries of torture in hell, after almost losing Michael in the cage and against the Darkness, Lucifer walked free with a snap of fingers?! Unbelievable. What did Lucifer do to get a “Get out of Jail Free Card”, apart tormenting them for centuries?!

_Why?!_

They didn’t deserve that!

Something happened in Michael. Adam was totally taken by surprise. He didn’t explode and he didn’t wailed in despair either. Of course, there was anger in Michael. Resentment and concern and fear. But mostly, indignation. “Ar- R… Are y-you sure a-about this?” He asked with a rapid glance at his father, otherwise aligning his focus inward, in the shared space of their mind.

God gave Michael a gaze that made Adam understood a little bit why Michael was who he was now. “F-fine. You’re Right.” Maybe. What was left after all? A dark vicious part of Adam wished he would die taking all the evil and problems in the confrontation with Amara.

It didn’t mean that the situation was right. Michael did not deserve to be disrespected like that. Adam was fuming inside and strangely Michael had not tried to soothe him because he was also angry.

Lucifer tried to speak with the typical nonchalance. “Mikey, mikey… it’s okay. I mean we got our fights, but this is _the_ fight. Look at you bro, you’re in no shape. Pops let me out and in exchange I won’t try to end the world. Promise!”

 _You… son of a bitch_. Adam thought bitterly. Michael didn’t say anything back. In fact there was no answers, no sounds, nothing even his grace was just… still. Inert. Not cold but not warm either. The only thing confirming he was still there was he didn’t relent control. He reached out gently.

_Michael?_

_Adam._ Michael echoed like a prayer to him.

Thankfully, there wasn’t any kind of reconciliation ceremony where they and Lucifer apologize and give a hug. It didn’t work in the pit, it wouldn’t work now. Sam had given them supporting and encouraging nods. Adam sensed that Michael was angry, very angry and sad. At everyone, at the situation, at Amara and himself for not being who he was. Not anymore.

 _P_ _athetic._ He said when he flew to an empty room, taking one of his wings and plucking the feathers off. He did this in the cage at his worst. When he hated himself so much, with all of the anger and pain, when fighting Lucifer was not enough, he turned his misery on himself. An outlet for all of his pain. God might have healed his ‘body’ but this one would take more time to heal.

_No, Michael. You’re not. Please stop this, you’re hurting yourself._

_Adam… I am incompetent. Deserve this. Weak. If ‘been stronger, wouldn’t need Lucifer._

_No. You’re not. A lot of stuffs happened in the cage. We did it, Michael. We got out by ourselves. Lucifer had help. You did all on your own. The Darkness said so? You are more powerful than Lucifer. It’s just your father loved him more… Don’t blame yourself for this._

_Adam… it hurts._

_I know. I’m here, okay? I…_ He what? He loved him?

Yes, he did. For a long time now. _Michael. I know it’s not the time but… I have something important to tell you. I-_

The room shook and Adam’s attention was full on what was happening, forgetting the most important thing. Suddenly he felt like a blanket all around him as Michael regained from control of their shared body. All the pain he felt was replaced wuth focus and determination to keep the both of them safe. After all, Michael was a creature of action. Dwelling on his thoughts was not easy for him. In fact, Michael once explained to him that the very concept of thinking for yourself was completely abhorrent for an angel. Unusual, Adam would correct, unusual but not impossible and he really hoped Michael would do that more often. He was his own person after all. He ruled over Heaven for six thousand years. Of course, the guy could think.

Michael flew only to see Amara in the main room.

“I’d rather die a million times than go back there!” She screamed when lifting up God, Chuck, in the air, clearly killing him with black tendrils. For a moment, Adam could swear to have feel Michael relating to Amara. Lucifer jumped on her with a spear and she yanked him with a simple gesture. Michael stood there, as if he was paralyzed, Adam could hear the high pitch noise that could have been Michael’s voice. No, there wasn’t any noise, that was the complete silence of him that was so deafening. He had thought Michael would go and jump to defend his father but he was stuck here, tremors of absolute terror drowning the both of them.

Michael had endured years of hell in the cage, leaving him sad, confused, even crying on his worst days, panicked but never absolute dread like now.

_Michael?_

_Father… Have to protect-_

_Yeah, winghead. Otherwise we will be dead._

_No. You. I don’t want you to die. Too precious._

_Michael-_

Amara turned her head and ripped Michael so violently that the last thing he felt from Michael was his absolute dread before all echoes of his feelings were severed. After that, he fell in a deep slumber.

When Adam woke up again, he had learned that God and his sister had left Earth, having made peace with one another. Honestly, Adam did not understand what happened despite Dean trying to explain him again and again. Michael had disappeared too. He had called out to him but received no answers.

Michael didn’t come back as the first month passed by. He was dead, right? Adam didn’t have the time to tell him that he was loved, if not by his father then by one little human.

His brothers tried to cheer him up, telling him he was finally free and do whatever he wanted with his life. Then there was the whole British Men of Letters that caused them a lot of headaches and neither Mary Winchester or Adam got a lot of time to discover one another. Not that they wanted to. After all, Adam Milligan was a reminder of John’s Winchester’s failures. Of Mary’s death. The implicit scenario of ‘her being alive’ and a different life without pain.

Adam wouldn’t have existed. He saw them one night, all around the table with a beer, that was the Winchester family and Adam Milligan had no place. He represented these failures in a way. Their own failures of not saving him. It couldn’t go on like this forever.

So after learning some basic defense skills, Adam left one night, leaving a piece of paper telling them what he felt and a number to contact him. Adam settled for a simple job at a gas station, as a cashier. Not great but they wouldn’t care if his papers were authentic or not.

There was no news of Lucifer neither which made Adam sleep better. Though he slept with his throat burning and tears staining his pillow and curses at the world.

He went on with his life, that was what Michael and his mom would have wanted but life was dull. As he took time for himself, the pain lessened and Adam began to see the little things of everyday that made him happy. He learned to be grateful of the smallest thing. Of snickers bars he took with coffee. Trying one of these streaming services. Looking through social media what his old classmates had become. Some were doctors and surgeons while Adam was stuck but he tried to forgive himself. To acknowledge the jealousy as he looked at the picture they posted. To tell that wasn’t his fault and maybe it may be not his life and he tried to look at the simple things of who he was now. He was at a better place than before (though the bar was ridiculously low). It might not be the place he had once dreamed to be but maybe life would lead him to an even better place he never thought of (he hoped so). It still hurt. Despite, all of this, Adam tried to remember the good moments of his life. His mom and a taste of Heaven.

He met Michael. Nobody could brag to crack jokes with an archangel.

Of course, Adam loved the scent of grass and the birds chipping in his ears in the morning but he wanted to show it to Michael too. So he prayed to Michael. For everything. Talking to him if he was always there. He was not so sure if it was healthy (certainly not) but many people prayed to angels without getting and answer and knowing they did exist (they did and they were dicks), so Adam could still do it for one who cared.

His life became very mundane, there were days he could even forget about the supernatural that existed beyond the gas station or the local walmart. He was still on high alert and would never go back to the person he was before his death.

There were nights he woke at the slightest sounds, fearing the monsters had come back to finish their meal. On these nights, he prayed fervently to Michael and it worked. After a moment, he could feel the faint remains of his grace warming up his heart. He had felt safe as if Michael was there and allowed him to fall asleep once more.

Adam sent him his thoughts about how the colors were more vibrant after a week of rain. About the new phone he bought. The asshat customers trying to bail out of paying their gas and insulting Adam with all of flowery words. About his jealousy that his brothers’ got their mom back but for nothing in the world he would disrupt his mom’s Heaven.

He also had a lot of time to think about his feelings. About what Amara said. She was right. He did felt deeper. He was in love with Michael. Adam had a really easy time to process and accept that. Centuries in the Cage did help in a sense. (He had to make something good out of the worst). Adam was too old and too done to lie to himself. The world he came back to had more resources than the one he left. A quick search on the internet. Lots of articles about sexuality and many guys on forums asking out for help as they feared they fell in love with their best friend… it happened more than Adam had thought. They did talk about sex with his mom or friends at school but never truly about well… same-sex attraction. Adam never really thought about it. He fell in love with a girl so for a long time he thought he was straight.

Yet Michael did appear to him as a man. So fucking what? He was bisexual, in love with an archangel. All that stuff was good. Could happen to anybody according to the internet.

Nah, the root of his problem was he was declared dead with no papers. Well, he had fake ones now, with a new birth year to match his physical appearance. The shift was shit. He hated it. His mom wouldn’t have wanted that for him. Michael neither. But for the moment that was the only source of income and stability of his life, so Adam took it with a forced smile.

What pissed him was the world ending events kept him from telling Michael the truth. He wanted him to know he was loved, even if Adam was a simple soul compared to God. He loved him in all his capacity as a human.

His routine went on for months until one day, at the end of his shift, the sun had barely showed up, the sky a deep blue like Michael’s wings, Adam saw a man crouched next to the door. He peeked a glance as he stepped outside. A little bit too ethereal to be human. When the man lift his head and looked at him with these eyes, Adam knew exactly who it was and ran to his side.

“Michael.” He had said.

The man looked at him and Adam could see in his dark eyes, the strangeness and uncanny motion of an angel. “Adam…” The man whispered. “How…?”

Adam smiled and sat by his side. “Don’t underestimate me. We’d spent a lot of time together.” He imprinted his grace in his mind, knowing it like it was his own soul.

Michael had explained to a very horrified Adam he’d done some kind of spell involving cutting of a pair of his wings to create his own vessel. Now, he was more diminished than before and had to save up grace to protect the both of them.

“A-Adam… L-let me stay. Please. Have Nothing.” Despite the delicate face, Michael had still a masculine voice that was similar to his own. “Nobody cared. N-not my Father. Not Luc-Lucifer. G-gave him body but… forgot me. Everyone.”

Adam only answered: “Not me Michael. I didn’t forget about you.” He sighed, this was now or never. “I love you.” He said.

Michael looked at him for a long time. “You appreciate my company?” That was a very dumbfounding answer.

Adam cleared his throat, he did not expect the conversation to go like this. Heck, he did not expected a conversation with Michael at all. “Well yeah, that’s being in love all about.”

“In love? You love me… Romantic?”

Adam nodded. Now his cheeks could play a role in climate change from the heat alone. “You heard me, winghead. _I love you._ ” He coughed, putting all of his focus on the guy filling his car as he said the next words: “It’s okay. If you don’t. I just wanted to say it before another Apocalypse start.” Adam himself squeezed his heart mentally for Michael’s next words.

“Adam. Angels are not made to love.” Right. Of course. Love was an ‘abhorrent concept’ like free will. He didn’t want to explain it to him, not after a graveyard shift that burned his last brain cells. He hoped that Michael being old as he was, knew what romantic love was about. Michael continued. “But I’m a bad angel.”

“Michael.” Adam sighed. “You’re not… bad, okay?”

Michael shook his head then smiled at him. “I mean. Bad so… I c-can love you.”

“Uh?”

“I love you too. Like you love me.”

Oh. That was… unexpected? Expected? Adam did not know. “Really? You don’t say that… to make me happy?”

“Back… with Amara… I… feared for you more than my father. It’s been a long time. In the cage, I already felt like that.” Michael looked at his feet. “…not exemplary angel.” He muttered.

Adam disagreed strongly but knew that Michael was still not willing to have this conversation, so for the moment he let him be. “Maybe. Or Maybe not.” (Definitely not.) “But you are… a good guardian angel. And boyfriend. That’s what we are, right? Boyfriends.”

“Boyfriends?” Michael scowled like a kid having to eat radishes. “Sounds childish.”

Adam raised his eyebrow, searching for another word. “Lovers?”

“Sounds illicit.”

Weren’t they though? Forbidden love and all. No, Michael was too straightforward for that. Adam smiled. “You’ve got a degree in English Language now?”

“Soulmates.” Michael said ignoring his joke.

Adam chuckled, completely embarrassed and his cheeks absolutely hot now. Soulmates was even more of a cliché people say on romance dramas. “I guess we are. We’ve also been soul mates for centuries too.”

Michael took his hand in his. “Soulmates.” He repeated.

“Soulmates.” Adam replied.

Michael leaned his head and rested it in the crook of his neck. “I love you.” The proper time had come after all.

Adam hummed. “I love you too.”

He never returned to the gas station.

**Author's Note:**

> i hadn't planned a sequel to Vows are spoken but the verse grew on me also what the fuck it was supposed to be only 4k of words  
> 


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